My New "Journey"

I'm terrified.

To make that statement less vague, I'm struggling with what I'm trying to find right now in my life. A part of me can't seem to calm down and it's keeping me up at night, making it harder for me to focus on my priorities, and allowing me to live my life.

I'm am, surprisingly, very religious. I pray several times throughout the day, especially before leaving my house in the morning and before going to bed at night. At this point in my life, I am very thankful for all that I have been given and for all the opportunities that I have found so far, and I try as much as I can to show God how thankful I really am. Whenever I'm in doubt, I pray. When I feel anxious, I pray. It doesn't matter where I am, or where I'm going--if I need to talk to God, I will.

Recently I've been getting closer to a coworker, which is all I can really seem to think about. I replay scenes from work with him, etc. etc. and it's to the point where I'm obsessing over every little thing, and no matter how many times I ask God to help me keep my mind off this coworker, it always comes back, slapping me in the face each time.

There's a lot of reasons why I can't stop thinking about this person, and it could be mainly because I'm at the point in my life where I feel I need someone in order to be complete. I know that it isn't true, but with my family constantly asking me about whether or not I'm dating, it frustrates me. I know that God has someone out there that is truly all I could ever hope for, but I'm very impatient. Through past experiences, I have ran after boys (since they weren't really "men", per se), and I've been burned. I've learned that God doesn't want me to chase after boys, but instead be patient, because He will bring someone into my life.

My priorities have been more adjusted today since I've finally acknowledged my over thinking, and I am starting to pray even more than before to God to ask for help to get back on track with my language learning and to let whatever happen happen.

If I'm meant to be with someone, God will make sure that we will unintentionally cross paths at the right times, and I have to learn to be more patient.

So, with this nice little rant of mine, I've decided that I'm going to start reading the Bible again. I began reading it during my vacation in England, so that I could stay close to God, and it was really interesting to me. Once I got back home, the habit ended, but now I'm not willing to start again. I downloaded the Bible app on my smartphone (since I prefer to keep my Bible at home) and signed up for a 7-day plan that is for "Worrying", and I think that it will most definitely help me during this travel of mine to stop obsessing and over thinking about "what-ifs", and to start following the path that God has set for me. My worrying, at the moment, is at a high with a constant headache that I can't seem to take away, and I hope that this new journey of mine will help me get back to sleeping my regular hours rather than spontaneous, agitating time periods.

Baylee