Hey all,
I've been thinking. A little too much, I'd admit, but it's a thought that lingers in the back of my mind for most of the day. Something that, I assume, has been put there by my peers and my society.
I'm nineteen years old. I've never dated--my only "relationship" was when I was thirteen, dating a seventeen-year-old, online. And even when we called each other those cute little names, I was petrified of talking to him.
I had been going through a lot--my family was having a lot of new conflicts at the time and I felt the need to talk to people. And, I found that some of my best friends were ones who were online. Ones I would never meet (because I've had several talks about stranger-danger, thank you very much!) and would just listen to me, and vise versa.
Now, my friends see it as a "shame". "Oh man, I haven't dated yet, either! Oh, but it's okay! We'll get there someday!"
This sentence. Makes. Me. Cringe. And I know I'm not the only one out there that gets this kind of comment when they ask, "Any boyfriend yet?" No, as a matter of fact, I'm not interested in the time.
Let me draw a picture in your minds. At least, let me attempt to ;)
If you hang out with me, you'll find that I'm very sarcastic. VERY. For some reason, this always comes off as flirting which, I really have no idea why. I'm just being me, and that's a person who's very sarcastic, caring, and friendly. I love to laugh. Life is good.
And I will admit, I am a flirt. I think I like it because I find a way to make others smile. I have just as many hormones as the average late-teenager who has a significant other, just... I don't date.
My days are filled with learning. I practice 5 languages a day (or at least I try to), I get to spend my time with my family and friends, I get to learn more everyday, and I love my life. And I know that relationships are hard work. And I know I don't have time right now to spend with a significant other. It's going to have to wait.
Plus, I'm still scared as hell about dating. And it's not just the butterflies I feel! I can talk to a male (boy or man, mehmeshmeh I'm not going to discuss this tonight) and "flirt" until I know that he "likes" in a way that is pushing towards dating. Nuh uh, mister. Not today. I'm really not ready, and I don't want to set up another person to have them get hurt because I'm not there yet. They should be able to enjoy their life, find someone when they're ready, and have an awesome life. Because that's what I want for the rest of mine--not to be rushed into feeling like I need a significant other and that I need to follow what society tells me is right.
Hell no.
So, that's a pretty rant for ya. ;) but then again, it's what others in the world feel, too. Don't assume that there's something "wrong" with us, because there isn't. We're just not ready yet.
Much love,
